For couples

In my office I offer psychotherapeutic support for couples.

“Sometimes when we are laying together I look at her and I feel dizzy with the realization that here is another distinct person from me, who has memories, origins, thoughts and feelings that are different from my own. That tension familiarity and mystery meshes something strong between us. Even if one builds a life together based on trust, relationship attentiveness and mutual support, I think that is important that a partner continues to surprise.”

Barack Obama 1996

The couple relationship evolves through normal and predictable stages of development. Problems most often arise when partners get stuck in one of the stages and do not have the necessary skills to move through them. This is where I can step in to help as a psychotherapist.

Individual development has a significant influence on an individual's ability to support the healthy development of the couple. At the same time, the development of the couple will also determine the individual growth of each partner.

Couple relationships involve difficult but exciting work and it is advisable to seek help before it is too late to save the relationship.

The necessity for couples therapy

Couples are often uncertain what to expect from the process of couples therapy or they don't know if the therapist has any expectations from them. The main reasons why couples ask for therapy are related either with the need for change ( to connect, to develop), to end the relationship ( getting the help to say goodbye, help with parenting etc) either the need to make a decision (to stay together or separate, have a child or not etc).

Very often, partners come in after experiencing a lack of contact and intimacy, disappointment, distance, an unsatisfying sex life, or perhaps anger expressed in a passive-aggressive way, or they are consumed by fights and a level of disconnection.

Some of the ineffective things we do in relationship are blaming or attempting to dominate, withdrawing and looking for satisfying our needs outside the relationship, being in a resentful compliance, whining, being stuck in denial or confusion. Although ineffective, these are all ways in which we try to protect ourselves. Underneath, there are feelings of fear, pain, helplessness, hopelessness, feelings of insecurity or inadequacy that activate our emotional brain (limbic system). The reactivity of our emotional brain manifests by finger point, shutting down, yelling, screaming a painful experiences that reinforce dysfunctional dynamics and which can trigger past trauma.

I believe my principal role is to help you become aware and understand how you are contributing to your couple dynamic and find different and meaningful ways of responding to your partner, without violating your core values.

I think your main role is to create you own personal objective for being in therapy and be willing to reflect, question, challenge your beliefs and experiment with new possibilities.

Some objectives for couples therapy

The major aim of couples therapy is increasing your knowledge about yourself, your partner and the patterns of interaction between you.

Some goals for couples therapy could be:

  • Create a vision for how you aspire to be in the relationship, instead of trying to change your partner;
  • Understand your blocks in personal growth;
  • Collaborate in solving things as a team and learn to have and resolve conflicts;
  • Discover what new capacities and abilities you need to develop in order to be able to sustain the kind on interaction or contact that you desire;
  • Learn new patterns of interaction and practice them with awareness